Friday, April 17, 2020

Police Situation

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Good morning ladies and gentlemen. My name is Sergent Briggs and I am with the Westmeadle Police Force. I have organised this conference today in order to make you aware of the fact that there has been an augmented amount of crime sweeping our fair city-streets recently.


As some of you may be aware, there has been a peculiar disappearance of slippers in households for the past few weeks. The most recent of these incidents occurred in the early ours of this morning. Fortunately the victim, who will remain nameless for their own safety, was able to give us a short, but helpful description of the assailant. From this report the suspect is believed to be small, very hairy and has awfully bad posture.


In the 10 homes that have been attacked, saliva samples have been found. It is unknown as to whether these samples belong to the same one individual, so they have been sent off to the DNA laboratory for testing and have been put in the department's computers to look for possible known criminal matches. Unfortunately, no other evidence was found at the crime scenes not even finger prints. All houses where inspected very thoroughly.


Even with the description at hand, the suspect is unknown. However, it is believed that these crimes are most likely the result of a one-person party rampage. Nevertheless, the possibility of these crimes being gang related or even unrelated individual crimes, has not been ruled out.


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I urge people to make sure that they keep their slippers in a safe place and that they lock their doors and animal-flaps at night. If worse comes to worse, I think that the people of this city will have to stop wearing slippers. After all, if this thief has nothing to thieve, then there will be nothing stolen. But that action is a last resort. This criminal is at large and won't stop until there are no more slippers to be taken.


On a final note, I wish for anyone who may have seen something suspicious to come forward. You may know something which may be of vital importance even if you don't think it is. So if you have any information please contact the nearest police office.


On your way out, you will notice a red box near the door. We're trying to raise money to support the victims of this crime wave. Any donation at all would be greatly appreciated. Thank you all very much for your time and patience.


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